best out of office repLys

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position
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I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you
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You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all
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Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
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I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received
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Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message
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The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over
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Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks
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Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response
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Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages
I've run away to join a different circus
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AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as ' Loretta ' instead of 'Steve